Restlessness | awakeforthedance's Blog
Ooh I hate this feeling. It's been awhile since it has settled in me........ pure restlessness. A "stirring" of sorts - like my soul is crying out for change......... to do SOMETHING. Or is it my ego. Hmm... that would make a big difference.
Whatever it is, I feel it big time.
I feel the need to write, write, write and connect... I just want to connect to SOMETHING.. SOMEONE... so that I am not just floating around in space -- lost. Experience tells me this is when I need to breathe... get still. But I don't want to quite yet. I am sick of quiet and stillness and nothingness. I want SOMETHINGNESS.
I am alive, here on this earth - now. I don't want to meditate myself out of experiencing THIS LIFE. I want to laugh and dance and FEEL all the great things we get to feel as humans. I want to DO all the great things we get to do as humans. Even if that means making mistakes. Falling. Crashing.
Kinda funny - yesterday I had the song "Losing my Religion" in my head all day and I can't explain why -- I haven't even heard it recently. But it was in my head all day... "ah life... it's bigger....." I don't even know what the song is about, to be honest. But I kinda feel that way today... losing my religion -- no more seeking for answers - no more floaty feel good stuff. (yeah, that's probably not at all what the song is about, but somehow that connection works for me in this moment.. lol)
So here I am frantically typing on my keyboard anyway -- hoping some answer will fall on my lap....... something to make me feel good...... something to make me strong. Something to force me into forward motion.
I know my soul is crying out -- I know it. I am not living authentically and it's something I have got to stop already. I probably sound like a raging lunatic in this post........ I feel like it a little. To be honest. I am saying I want to give in and flow with feelings, yet there are some key emotions and feelings I KEEP resisting...... some key truths I KEEP trying to ignore, cover up, morph into something else. It's exhausting. It's sad.
And that's all I got for tonight -- awareness. I don't want to explore answers yet.
I will get out of my mind into the body at kettlebell class --- that will be a welcome release.
Previous PostsDrunk, posted May 5th, 2013, 1 comment
the blues, posted April 25th, 2013, 3 comments
, posted December 1st, 2012, 1 comment
Restlessness, posted November 28th, 2012, 2 comments
BlogrollHere are some friends' blogs...
HelpEmbed Photos Embed Videos